There are 2 models of performance in life:
- Have-Do-Be
- Be-Do-Have
The first model is the one that most of us live by but it’s inherently flawed and creates a negative loop. Let me give you an example:
“Once I have my hair back, I will be able to go out again, then I will be happy.”
Do you see the pattern here? With the HAVE-DO-BE model, the idea is that when you get what you want, then you’ll start doing the things that go with it, and then you’ll finally act/be the part. This creates a very negative loop.
The secret is to follow the second model: BE-DO-HAVE because then your thoughts, feelings, and actions will support your end results.
The reason why you read this article in the first place is that you feel tired of letting alopecia hold you constantly back and in this process, confidence is something you want to focus on. But confidence is like a muscle; the more you focus on it, practice it and train it, the stronger your confidence will grow.
“When you are at a place in your life where there is an ongoing steady stream of confidence moving through your mindset, moving through your heart set, you achieve the remarkable in your life.”
Cry it out, and feel those emotions
It is essential first to accept and welcome any emotions that come your way. Pain is inevitable, it is part of being human. You are going through a huge life-changing transformation and the concept of your identity is being challenged. This is why you must allow yourself to be sad and cry, and to be kind to yourself. Actually, crying is really good for our health. In fact, research has found that in addition to being self-soothing, shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals make people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain. So don’t ever make yourself wrong for crying.
Hair loss takes a huge toll on mental health and talking about your condition to your friends and family is not enough: they may not completely understand what you are going through and won’t have the necessary tools to properly help you in this journey. This is why a therapist is excellent support because it is his job to listen to you and to guide you into the best way to heal. In this day and age, we are lucky to have a platform such as Better Help that offers affordable therapy from any device.
It’s time to look at yourself in the mirror and accept that this is who you are now
Unfortunately, you cannot change the fact that you have whatever hair you have, but what you can change is the way you think about it. Suffering is the story that we tell ourselves about the pain, but it is optional. Acceptance of yourself is very empowering and will set you free. Don’t get me wrong, you are not going to wake up one day and feel better about yourself just because you read these lines but do you remember what we said at the beginning? Confidence comes from practice which means that the more you’ll replace the negative thoughts about yourself with more empowering ones the more you will believe in them. These are called auto-suggestions or affirmations.
Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. To many, this will sound like self-help waft – and it kind of is, but that doesn’t mean it’s not effective. Here’s the proof.
A study published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience used MRI to reveal that practicing self-affirmation activates the reward centers in your brain. Simply say to yourself “I will earn that promotion” and it’ll light up the same reward centers that respond to other pleasurable experiences, such as eating great food or winning a prize. It fires up your neural pathways and makes changes to those areas of the brain that makes you happy and positive. Various studies also confirm affirmations: decrease health-deteriorating stress, increase the number of exercises people do, help you to eat more fruit and vegetables, and achieve more academically.
“Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.” Earl Nightingale
So you now know that it works, but the really interesting question is, where do I start? Well here are simple affirmations you can tell yourself every day that will boost your self-esteem and your confidence.
- I am uniquely powerful
- My uniqueness is my strongest quality
- I no longer feel like I have to look or be like somebody else
- I am never going to compare myself to people ever again
- My uniqueness and individuality are what’s going to make me successful
- I am a special and wonderful being that no one can replicate
- I am unaffected by the opinions of others
- I stand up for myself when people overstep my boundaries
- I am worthy of being loved and cherished
- My self-confidence is increasing day by day
- No goal is too big for me to accomplish
- I take time at the end of the day to acknowledge my feelings and my accomplishments
- People feel blessed to be around me
- I am blessed to have today and this moment to appreciate myself
- I love my facial features
- I love my body, every inch, every curve, every hair, every mark, I am stunning
- I love my generosity, my happiness, and my integrity
- I am sexy as fuck!
>> Listen to Jess with Empowered Affirmation: Awakening the Goddess Within on Spotify.
Change your lifestyle
Self-confidence is more a mental transformation than it is a physical one. It goes through the conscious decision-making in our lives that will help us achieve the goals we have set for ourselves. In this case, if you read this ebook it is that you want to regain control of your life in a radical way. What you can start with is creating a simple routine that will help you have a clearer mind.
In addition to that, it is important to repeat how vital it is to exercise regularly, not only to be physically fit but also for your mental health. A lot of studies show that exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood and by improving self-esteem and cognitive function. It has also been found to alleviate symptoms such as low self-esteem and social withdrawal.
Lucky you are there are tons of Youtube videos that you can do at home. You don’t have any excuses now!! Just do it ;)
>>> Grow With Jo offers the best free fun and easy-to-follow fitness workout videos on Youtube for beginners
>>> 10 Steps to Build a Morning Routine
Consider cutting your hair
Why? Because it is a form of letting go and it is in the continuity of accepting the condition of your hair. Some cases of hair loss are so advanced that it is energy-consuming to endure this to your mind and body. Western models of beauty pushed us to want to be like them, we became impregnated with them all our lives and we think that we must look like that in order to be considered beautiful in the eyes of society. But in reality, what is beauty after all? Is it only reduced to the length of our hair or to the thickness of it?
“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” – John C. Maxwell
By choosing to cut your hair, you choose to have control of your life back and not let this define who you are.
>>> Read The Power of Letting Go: How to Drop Everything That is Holding You Back
Learn how to use makeup to your advantage
Many people have a preconceived idea of women who wear makeup: they think it looks superficial or that women hide behind makeup. To be honest with you, when makeup is used too much it makes people look way uglier than they were before! Jokes aside, makeup is an art, and like any art, you must have the right equipment, learn the right techniques, and train to improve your skills. By learning that you will learn how to highlight the most beautiful parts of your face. The goal is to sublimate your features in order to divert attention to things other than your hair loss!
“I believe all women are pretty without makeup - but the right makeup can be pretty powerful. Bobbi Brown”
Lucky you again there are tonnes of Youtube videos that will guide you through this journey.
WARNING: Do not get fooled by all the makeup tools they use, you can start a simple kit of 8 brushes, a concealer, and a BB Cream that fits your skin tones, a blush, some mascara, a nude pinkish lipgloss, and a neutral eye shadow palette that you can use for your brows and your eye and you are ready to go!
>> The Essentials Make Up Brushes to shop on Amazon
>> How to Do Your Make Up Like a Pro by Bobbi Brown
Do some shopping!
After makeup, it is essential to find a new look for the new you! Have you ever felt happier or sexier when you're wearing an outfit that you like and that flatters your silhouette? Fashion is the best way to renew yourself but also to show your individuality to the world. Being bald shouldn't be the only thing that defines who you are and it's through the clothes that you are going to start affirming who you are. The secret is to know what suits you in terms of the shape and colors of clothes according to your morphology and your skin tone. Also, accessorize your outfit: wear nice earrings, glasses, and necklaces, everything is possible!
“Never underestimate the power of a good outfit on a bad day!”
>> How Does Fashion Affects your Brain? Youtube Video
>> How to Dress To Flatter your Body Shape Youtube Video
Find gratitude for everything else that you have for yourself in your life
Modern psychologists call gratitude a ‘moral barometer’. Indeed, according to Robert Emmons, who is a famous gratitude researcher, people who practice gratitude feel happier and less depressed and get rid of toxic emotions like envy or frustration. Living a life of gratitude provides you with a feeling of greater happiness and joy. You will feel more at peace, lighter, and more satisfied with your life. All these emotions are connected with optimism and will empower you to view your future with brightness.
Gratitude starts now:
I want you to take a deep breath and think about 5 things in your life you are grateful for. Then write them down on a journal or a piece of paper and read them out loud, and see how it feels. This is where your new journey begins.
Here are a few things you could add to your daily life to live a more grateful life:
- express appreciation to yourself,
- practice gratitude affirmations,
- make a gratitude box,
- say thank you for your meal,
- compliment others every day,
- make a habit of thank you,
- celebrate the moment.
I want to finish this ebook with an extract from model and actress Jannica Olin | TEDxNormal during her TEDxTalk: Welcome to my new normal.
“I looked at myself from the outside observing myself. At that moment I truly got that I'm not my hair, I was never my hair, and if I'm not my hair, I'm not my body either, I have it. It's my home, it's my vehicle for life. A whole lifetime of judgments and labels and views of who I should be and what I should look like just dissipated. I was free because I didn't have to be defined by anything. I had nothing to do with who I was.
I know we might have inherited certain views on what beauty perfect and normal is supposed to look like, but the truth is you get to decide what that is. You can go from bald meaning second ugly to edgy and unique. Alopecia goes from disease to superpower and blessing. Redefine what those words mean to you which can take you from living your life impaired to living empowered.”
You are free to express who you are because you are not hiding any of it. Your vulnerability is your strength.
Wear your crown
If you have succeeded to follow the 6 previous steps, you can be very proud of yourself because it is when you step out of your comfort zone that the most magical things happen. Now that you're ready to live your life with full confidence, it's possible that you're a little chilly to show yourself directly with your bald head to the world, especially because the weather can sometimes be annoying and also this is a personal journey that you might not be ready to share yet. This is why you must wear your crown so you can complete your outfit and walk on the streets with assurance.
Malka London creates unique headwear that will blow you away! Their signature product is the Crown which consists of a bonnet lined with satin that comes with a long matching band. There are multiple advantages to the Crown:
- The lining from the bonnet is made with Duchess Satin: a thick and very soft satin that will not suffocate your scalp nor irritate it,
- The shape of the bonnet gives a “full” effect on your head, even if you are bald,
- The elastic on the back keeps it on your head all day so you won’t have to feel afraid of it falling out,
- The long matching band is separated from the bonnet so you can create an infinite number of hairstyles.
You are sure to find the Crown for you because the colors and prints are sober and will not stigmatize you but uplift your allure and your self-esteem.
